Thursday, February 22, 2007
Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
Don t use any punctuation
As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
With a serious face, order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat.
Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
Sing Along At The Opera
Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
Do the Hokey-Pokey once a Week, just in case that’s really what it’s all about.
Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Here are some funny lines from recent late-night TV.
LENO: Presidential candidate Tom Vilsack… not a lot of name recognition. I don’t want to say that Tom is unknown, but his secret service codename is Tom Vilsack. Be honest. Before you came here today, how many had heard the name Vilsack? How many thought it was a pickle?
LENO: Al-Qaida released another video tape from their No. 2 man. This one had a shocking revelation: "The great Satan will soon taste unspeakable suffering from our hands. Oh, and by the way, I am the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.” Not to make light of this poor woman’s death. Now Anna Nicole Smith’s bodyguard is the fifth person to claim he might be the father. With five people claiming to be the father, I don’t think he was a very good bodyguard.
FERGUSON: I was reading about this self help book, "The Secret,” written by an Australian reality producer. Who knows more about spiritual principles than an Australian reality TV producer? One fan of the book said it stopped her panic attacks and doubled her acupuncture business. I’m thinking, "Who’s going to go see a panicky acupuncturist?”
Monday, February 05, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Ever since we've lived here, there's been an old mango stump beside the house. Since we had the house treated for termites, they've had to look elsewhere for their food. They found some of it in that old stump. Last year, some of the students hacked and hacked away at the stump but could never cut all the way through. Earlier today, I went and kicked it over. It was completely eaten up in the core. Termites were teeming all over it. I dumped a little termite poison on the existing stump and on the large section that broke off. I wasn't sure if it was flammable, but I tried to light it anyhow. It burned gloriously. In fact, now, some 9 or 10 hours later, it's still burning gloriously. Presumably by morning, the fire will have gone out . . . or possibly have burned down our house.
A lot of people have been asking what our plan is after this term of service. The answer is . . . we still don't know. To make things worse, the whole Asia area is in transition right now. As of March, we will have a new area director Dr. Romy Caringal.